just the (dominican) tip

and its aftermath ☀️

solo traveling is (ONE OF THE MANY WAYS) to heal c-ptsd. those cute letters equal relational trauma. positive change happens by reinforcing the belief that the world could be a safe place.

i thought of triangulating some of my scars, like the one mentioned above and my fear of being alone, by chasing blue skies in.

• punta cana - june 2021

• hybrid healing/romance in puerto rico - november 2022

• paris and barcelona last year

these trips have all been incredibly significant and life shifting, pero like, internally, you know what i mean? they were pretty uneventful for the most part and we loooooooooooooove that. so why would it change now, right?

upon seeing brit brit riding horses in cabo last december, i knew what i wanted for my 35th so i booked a caribbean getaway.

first 5 minutes into lounging at the resort, i met two nurses from nyc, one of which was also celebrating their sun rotation on april 27th. birthday twins! we shared the blessings of horses and bombastic fried food that followed.

i made it back to the hotel and linked up for drinks after dinner. friends were made between a group of gorgeous canadian goddesses and a fan of ours. the best birthday was had.

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who needs youtube in the background playing a box fan when there’s rain pouring over palm trees and tin roofs? sunday i slept in until the sun came out. then, went to the pool party where a canadian queen spotted a puerto rican superstar living it up:

i danced i laughed and underneath it all, i couldn’t stop thinking about kissing carter in this ocean 18 months ago. do i miss him? is this love? is this love? damn it, it’s the mama juana shots i’m feeling. but she wears off quick so i can’t blame her for this:

and then, the night went on:

because what i’ve learned is that sharing what you feel is never, ever, devastating. much to the contrary!

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monday morning i had a little moment to myself reading by the pool, taking notes and writing in my head, daydreaming of a year from today. what my life will feel like after UNDAMAGED ESSENCE is released? i’m offering my gratitude for what is meant to be is about to break through.

it was the last day of the trip for the friends i’ve made on this trip, too. so the shots began

and continued long after this intermission to document all that i’ve become: sexy, sweaty, ALIVE!!!!!!

a week after i turned 35,

the most gorgeous sleep i’ve ever had.

if it’s not forever

if it’s just tonight

we’re still the greatest

the greatest

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i’m learning to keep myself from wishing things were different. from praying things were different cuz, truly, this is an inexplicably wonderful life.

35 years old and i’m finally able to feel, live, be it all and not petrified of love destroying me like it has done my family.